Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
