i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
