you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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