Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize