Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
