Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize