I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
