toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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