I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
