This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
