"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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