my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
