Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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