she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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