You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
