he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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