dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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