Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
