so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
