why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wear drunk well.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
