he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
