idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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