Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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