When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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