You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
