There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
