i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
