you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
