I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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