Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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