turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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