TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
