I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've blown a few things in my day
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
