She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize