you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
