P.S. I can't hear my feet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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