I murdered the dance floor call the cops
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
