you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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