How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
