Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize