I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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