How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
