Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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