don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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