i think my tv is drunk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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