the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
