Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
