If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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