So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
