1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
