I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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