I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
