the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she told me i tasted like america
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
