I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
