The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
