I love black thongs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
