last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
