he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
