There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
