i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
