We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
