"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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