I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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