I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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