I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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