He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
