Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
