I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
