Sry I called you an 8
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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