I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she told me i tasted like america
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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