i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
