do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
