Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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