My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
