Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
