Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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