I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
