My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
