I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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