i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
