I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
