im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
