I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
